It hurts. It claws and rips. It tears at your very soul.
It keeps you up into the late hours of night where life seems to have stopped. All you hear is the sound of silence but… it isn’t quite silence. It is loud and it echoes. It is booming around you. It brings you down, further and further. It makes you feel smaller than all the ants and bugs. It will swallow you whole. That is until sweet slumber finally whisks you away to never land. Slumber has a way of saving right in the nick of time when you thought you might have lost your mind.
You won’t wake up the next day and be ready to take on the world.
There will be mornings that you won’t get out of bed until the sun has seemingly woken up the entire world around you. Yet, still, you want to lay there and wish your day away so that you can be saved by some shut eye.
Here’s the thing – who would you be without the struggle?
Everyone who has great stories always has something in common: they didn’t give up. Some say that they did and even allowed themselves to soak in the pain for a while. They took time off to truly understand the misery and their purpose in it. They became so enveloped in the torment. Still, they came out of it. They persevered even when they thought they couldn’t. And you will too.
It’s all about putting in the effort and finding out what doesn’t work and adapting to the change. It doesn’t matter how much time you need.
And the day will come.
There will be a day that you wake up and you won’t feel so distressed. I know it may not seem possible now but just hold on.
Focus on finding a different kind of adventure. There are billions of people and things to try. You never know what or who you may stumble upon in just a week or a month from now.
I decided that my adventure would be climbing a mountain. Please keep in mind that I had never been in any sport or participated anything that was even a remotely physically tiring. But then again, I’ve never known what gray is. I jumped right in.
I had never been traveling before. But there I was, hopping in my car and making my way across several states. With hardly anything in tow but my heart racing, I drove all the way to the biggest mountain I had ever seen. Panic started to hit – there was no way that I could do this. All of these fit people and their athletic clothes made it seem so effortless.
Sometimes you have to jump in with nothing but blinding bravery.
I didn’t know what I was doing but I ran. With a pounding in my chest and a barbaric craving to rush in, I jumped, I climbed, and I fell. But I kept going. No matter what obstacle – rock, slippery slope, or just fear – I came across, I got through it. I hopped rocks in a river at the top a mountain and walked through the water at the bottom of a waterfall. I wiggled my way to the top of the biggest rock I had ever seen. It was so much taller than me.
There was nothing I could compare the feeling to when I had finally made it. I was worn out and well-past my second wind… but I did it. I climbed a mountain and saw the most beautiful scenes in nature that I never thought would have existed.
You never know what will be waiting for you at the other end of the tunnel.
~ Yours truly
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